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Jinn 93x Archives "Brax, how important is it for you to seek out your woman friend?" Dezz whispered. "Follow me," I whispered back to Dezz as I pulled the blanket off of me and held her hand, helping her to her feet. The florescent painted indicators on the floor of the cavern led us to the area where Ahma had kept his journals and drawings. I knew that this would be a quiet, comfortable area in which to converse with my fellow traveler. After Dezz had sat down in one of the handmade wooden chairs, I followed her actions and sat down in a nearby chair myself. Now feeling that I could speak with a normal volume, I looked at Dezz's beautiful heart shaped face and began, "Dezz, when I began this quest I was singularly minded with two goals, find my friend and return home. I've not achieved either and I feel compelled to do so." "And after you've achieved those goals, what then, Brax?" she asked in a calm, direct manner. The answer to that question was something that I had avoided considering since I had felt emotional stirrings for Dezz. "I'll be honest with you in stating that I have consciously tried to block out what the answer to that question really is," I confessed. "I initially decided to join you on your mission because I needed funds and I felt I owed you my allegiance due to the fact that you helped me with the Manolith," she said. "I understand," I began when Dezz broke in. "I'm sorry, Brax, but please allow me to continue," she requested, looking directly at me in the dim light. "My apologies, Dezz, I felt you were finished with your sentence," I admitted. Dezz held her hand up and continued, "No apologies are necessary, Brax, but to continue with my feelings, the more I have been with you I see that you are different from any Lakunan male I have ever came in contact with, and I have had contact with a number of Royalty males. You are different! I realize you have told me before that you had been injured and your memory had been affected, but I can't help but feel that there is much you have not told me about." "I don't know anything about you other than what you have told me, what I have learned from my friends, or what I learned about you from the Centcom database. The fact is that anything that I have learned from my friends, or the database is counter to the behavior I have witnessed from you," she finished and paused long enough to indicate that she now expected a response from me. "May I ask, Dezz, what those differences are?" I queried here respectfully. A look of frustration appeared on Dezz's face as she answered, "Alright, first you are known to be an Amoralist!" "I apologize if I have interrupted you, Dezz, but for some reason I cannot recall what that word means," I attempted to bluff my ignorance of Lakunan terms. "You see, that's one of the things that bothers me. Common words often seem foreign to you, or … perhaps you are foreign to these words, she hypothesized. I didn't respond, but allowed her to collect her thoughts and let her continue. She took my cue and explained, "An Amoralist is a person who exhibits no morals of the Lakunan society. It's a person that takes advantage of others for personal motives. An Amoralist doesn't care who gets hurt as long as their safety and goals are assured. I can count over a dozen individuals that I spoke with that confirm that Brax R88T is a scug that is conniving, deceitful, and manipulating. I'm sure you're wondering, `Why would I accompany you if I believed that?' The truth is, I don't know. I just had a feeling about you; that the person I had met and who had helped me was a kind person. Everything you have said to me has been kind, and gentle." I didn't reply to what she had said as I noticed that she began softly whimpering. I scooted my chair closer to Dezz so that I was in reach of her and extended my hand to where her hands were placed on her thighs. I took her hands in mine, and again, the overwhelming feelings of emotion surged through my body, literally raising the fine hairs on the nape of my neck. At the touch of my hands holding hers, Dezz composed herself and continued, "In addition to what you have said, your actions to me have been extraordinarily brave and self-sacrificing. You've risked your life to rescue me, when you could have simply forgotten about my condition and continued on your mission to retrieve your woman friend. Either you are more effective in disguising your true intentions and your Amoralist attributes than any Lakunan, or you are not who you have said you claim to be." Maybe your mind is divided in personalities and there is an evil Brax and the Brax I have personally witnessed, but I am confused. The reason I tell you this, Brax, is that I am of no use to this mission of yours if I am in such a confused state. I am a liability, and I have decided to stay here with Ahma and his daughter, if they will have me." At no other time in my life had I experienced such a feeling of devastation. I had not been true to myself, and continued to gloss over my true feelings regarding Dezz and Shara. I didn't know quite what to say, and it must have been noticeable to Dezz that my eyes were welling up with tears, as she now readjusted the connection of our hands from me holding her hands in mine, to her holding my hands and comforting me by reassuring me, saying, "Things will work out for the best, Brax." I thought for a couple of moments about all of the things that I had kept from Dezz, including the harvesting of her reproductive eggs and my sperm at the Rand, and finally attempted to compose myself before I replied, "I'm not sure just how you will take the information I intend to confide to you, but I trust that you are the person I feel you are and that you can handle the information I am about to reveal to you." Dezz nodded her head and I set out to explain who I really was and why I was here. I did not, however, disclose the incident at the Rand as I felt that what I was telling her was enough for the moment. After I had answered her questions about Earth and about how the EMITT device came to be constructed, I admitted, "Since I met you I have attempted to keep my emotional distance from you because of my relationship with Shara…but Dezz, I have to be honest with myself and you. I have developed an emotional relationship with you and I am torn between my feelings for Shara and those for you. I've been plagued with nightmares that always involve you and I being held in prison cells and being tortured by a mysterious figure clothed in black and our torturer's face is always obscured. I can only assume that these nightmares are a result of my guilty conscience." With a squeeze of my hands Dezz , with a concerned look on her face, said, "I've had nightmares too and you may find this hard to believe, Brax, but my nightmares are quite similar to yours with the exception that the torturer is a female that taunts you and I before sentencing us to death." I thought that that information was curious, but was veering away from the line of discussion that I was heading, so I continued, "I don't know to what degree I still have emotional links to Shara, other than my determination to save her from the predicament she finds herself in, but I have to be honest with the feelings that I have developed for you. There is another thing you need to know about me, Dezz. I am not the type that enters into emotional relationships with numerous women at the same time. In fact, I view myself as a `one woman man,' if you understand what I mean." "I do," she succinctly replied. "If I can only convey one concept to you, I suppose it would be this: while I am determined to rescue Shara, I don't want to lose you, and I don't understand exactly why I feel this way. I'm not ashamed of how I feel for you, nor do I feel regrets for the development of my feelings, but I am likewise not proud of the affect that my emotional feelings for you may have on Shara." "That is even a better reason for me to remain here until you work out your issues with Shara," Dezz admitted her feelings. "Dezz, I want you with me. Call it odd, or what you may, I feel that the best place for you is with me. Shara is mature and can handle the change in our relationship. So just as it is of supreme importance to me to rescue Shara and return her home, it is also just as important to me to not lose you," I confessed as I stood, and Dezz followed my lead, and we embraced each other. "I'll think about what we've discussed and let you know my decision tomorrow," Dezz assured as we walked back to the area where we all had set up our sleeping gear. After Dezz went to her bedding, I slipped the blanket over me and tried to go to sleep. I wish I could say that I had been able to sleep. Previous Page Next Page Friends, How about giving a Gift Subscription to Raven's Demise to your friends, relatives, and workmates? It's easy. Just send me their names and e-mail addresses. 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